these are my second versions of the pages from me and james' script. here's my script for the pages.
Pg 1:
Panel 1: interior hospital room. Jack, the doctor hands Karen a tissue as she sobs, looking back at Howard, her husband, who is in a comma and in the bed.
Jack: It’s okay. Here, wipe your eyes.
Karen: Oh… thank you.
Jack: Why don’t you tell me how the… how this all happened.
Panel 2: we flashback to the day howard was hit. Karen checks her watch in front of a crowd of people waiting to cross the street. Over her shoulder we can see Howard, wading through the crowd, trying to get her attention.
Karen (caption): (Sob) You mean how he ended up here, in the hospital?
Jack (caption): Yes.
Karen (caption): It was a car, a hit and run accident.
Karen (Caption): I was downtown. Apparently Howard was trying to get a hold of me, he was fallowing me. I didn't see him, the sidewalks were packed that day.
Panel 2: Karen looks up at the light, it is red. The crosswalk signal shows a hand.
Karen (caption): I didn’t know why everyone had stopped in front of me, so I made my way through. even though the crosswalk was telling us to stop, the light was still red.
Panel 3: she runs across the intersection while the light is red, howard gets closer to the curb.
Karen (caption): So I went for it.
Pg 2:
Panel 1: over howard’s shoulder we can see him reaching for her as she crosses.
Karen (caption): I ran across the intersection while the light was still red, I was going to be late for work if I didn’t and... (sob)
pane 2: howard stumbles out of the crowd towards her.
Karen (caption): howard must have just been trying to follow me,
panel 3: he looks foreword squinting as a bright light shines on the side of his face.
Karen (caption): not knowing where he was going,
panel 4: he looks towards the light, shocked by the source of the off camera light.
Karen (caption): and by the time he caught up... (sob)
Pg 3-4: double page spread.
Panel 1:back in the hospital room Karen is so intense telling the story, crying as if she was there, reliving the moment with the audience.
Karen: the light was green again!
Panel 2: double page spread of the car slamming into Howard.
Karen (caption): the car stopped for a minute, afterwards, then peeled out when he realized he had just hit a person.
Karen (Caption): I didn’t get a license plate number, I couldn’t even tell you what type or color car it was, I was so shook up.
Panel 3: back in the hospital room Karen flies into Doctor Jack’s muscular chest and balls her eyes out. He is surprised.
Karen: I rolled him over, as if I naively thought he would be alright. Thought he would look like the Howard I knew. But… (sob)
Panel 4: jack looks over at Howard, half expecting him to get jealous that he is holding her, scared that it is unprofessional.
Jack: But he didn’t.
Karen: yes! It’s all my fault.
Jack: Hey. No, no, no.. It’s not your fault.
Panel 5:
Karen: If I had only turned around, he wouldn’t have chased me out into the street like that. Wouldn’t have gotten hit.
Jack: Hey, you didn’t know he was behind you. And if you would have seen him and stopped to talk to him, it might have been you that got hit crossing that intersection.
Panel 6: Jack grabs her by the shoulders pulling her away from him.
Karen: I wish it had been. It should have been.
Jack: Hey, calm down.
Panel 7: Jack turns, putting his hand on her shoulder and facing her towards the door. Howard in the background.
Jack: Why don’t you go get air, you know? Walk down to the gift shop and get a drink, clear your head a bit. There’s really nothing you can do here. He’s just going to have to heal and maybe he’ll pull out of this,
Panel 8: Zoom up on howard in the hospital bed.
Jack (tail of balloon trailing off screen): but you’re just making yourself miserable by staying here.
Karen: tail of balloon trailing off screen): Alright already. Okay, okay. I’ll go.
in critique i was told that they liked them alot. but while the crash was more cinematic this way it didnt have the impact deserved for a double page spread, many mentioned combining the sliver panels below the car and pushing the hospital scene to its own page. it used to be its own page before i had to condense 17 pgs down to 12. so me and james could each have 12 this issue. lyle pulled me aside and said he gave me a b on teh 1st set and said i jumped the 180 on the 2nd to last panel on pg 4 and i could have pushed some things, but that i got an a on these pages and that they were some of the coolest storytelling he's seen while at scad, that i'm being really ambitious and that he loved the pages. wow, i mean i always hear nice stuff from tom, but this was really something ive never heard from a prof. and it really made me feel secure if i kept it up that i could get a job and have a career in comics which is really awesome and a boost to my constantly self-defeating self image.
anyway, they also thought we could take the shot of her saying anything at the top of that page out and just have her dialogue. they didnt like the layout for page one though they did find it ambitious how much i changed the shots, (solution: just line up the bottom tear on a separate level so your eye can get from panel 4 to 5. everyone liked the pyramid design of pg 2, and said i should combine that with the original layout for pages 3/4. james mentioned jacking the back of the car up like it really hit him which i think will really add to the impact. some just digitally took the boarders out of their original layouts and drew in the extra. anyway, i think they turned out good, however ive drawn these pages so much now i have no interest in doing the final pencils. ive also taken on doing a poster for john hand theater company's rendition of "sleuth," and hey it pays! wahoo.
ps i think i will digitally ink the star trek cover.
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